It is with great apathy that I announce the grand unveiling of 'The Complete And Utter Works' a specialist writing archive that the New York Times affectionately names 'The festering mire of lexicon'.
The first of my 'Incomplete' works takes the form of 'Johnny Tick-Tock, Boy Wonder Of Many Clocks' the story of a young rapscallion and his magical cow and their many adventures (by which I mean one, and only one)
This was written last year as a sketch intended for radio, but given I had no links to radio at the time it was something of a futile exercise. Also upon reading it again, I've noticed their are several visual directions halfway through the script which would suggest that even I grew tired of the premise, so you'll love it!
The first of my 'Incomplete' works takes the form of 'Johnny Tick-Tock, Boy Wonder Of Many Clocks' the story of a young rapscallion and his magical cow and their many adventures (by which I mean one, and only one)
This was written last year as a sketch intended for radio, but given I had no links to radio at the time it was something of a futile exercise. Also upon reading it again, I've noticed their are several visual directions halfway through the script which would suggest that even I grew tired of the premise, so you'll love it!
(Note: This was written originally in Open Office, for those of you unfamiliar try to imagine Microsoft word but poorly optimized and for some reason every word is underlined red as incorrectly spelled)
Narrator
We
return now to a certain clock tower, in a certain Croydon
neighbourhood. Whereupon our hapless hero Johnny Tick-Tock, is rudely
awoken just in 'TIME' for jest and japery
Snibbs
Oh
Johnny! It's 'TIME' to wake up and smell the 'CLOCKY'!
Johnny
What
in 'COGS' name is this 'Tock-Foolery' of yours, Snibbs the time
cow!
Snibbs
It's my mechanical space udders Johnny, why; they haven't been milked of
their delicious time milk today!
Johnny
GREAT-GMT Snibbs! We simply must remedy this Quartz-Quandary post-haste! If evil
Baron Cogsmash got wind of such Watch-Whimsy, I'd wager he'd take your tilk
(time milk) in order to make time yoghurts, which he would then use
to travel back in time and destroy the inventor of clocks...Reverend Christophel Ock!
Baron Cogsmash bursts through the wall on his space Segway
Cogsmash
You
read my 'Cogs' Tick-Tock! Hand over the tilk, lest I unleash the wrath
of my 'anti-clock beam'
Johnny(Aside)
'Holy Rolex' readers! The Baron knows all to well I'm comprised of at
least three tenths of clock, and that's on a good day! But I have a jape that will leave him
looking the 'prize pendulum', that's for sure!
Cogsmash
The
choice is yours Tick-Tock, be it 'creamy treat', or 'clock beam
defeat'?
Snibbs
(Points
to udders) You could say, this is 'Udders' terrible!
Johnny
You
win this time Cogsmash!
Johnny milks Snibbs in a six hour milking scene, sexual tension is rife
Cogsmash
Finally
the tilk is mine! Now to use your tilk (time milk) in order to make
time yoghurts, which I will then use to travel back in time and
destroy the inventor of time...Professor Tiberius Ime!
Cogsmash
leaves laughing, the sexual tension dissipates
Snibbs
Oh
dear Johnny, what are we going to do?
Johnny
(Aside)
What he doesn't know readers, is that I've added a little something
of my own to the concoction, something that he'll really get a
'wheeze' out of!
Snibbs
Surely not love?
Johnny
That's
right Snibbs, if theirs one thing the fusty old Baron can't stomach;
it's the milk of human kindness...also the bleach I secretly added
Nibbs
Oh,
you sure are a crafty clock Johnny Tick-Tock!
Johnny
Hey,
let's not...'milk it'!
The
two laugh incessantly, intercourse ensues
Narrator
So
once again Johnny Tick-Tock has thwarted the nefarious schemes of his
arch-nemesis Baron Cogsmash. Tune in next week, as Tick-Tock faces
legal action for attempted chemical poisoning, until then, keep on
clocking!
Johnny
Tick Tock Theme (Moo Moo Japes)
Who's
that boy with the ticking face?
With a magical cow making milky
clocky moo moo japes
It's Johnny Tick-Tock, the boy made out
of clocks
He's a pre-teen timepiece from his head down to his
socks
And
when the evil Baron's in sight (Hahaha)
Old Johnny will never
aliiiiiiiiight!
Who's that boy with the ten to three
smile?
He's saving fair Croydon and he's doing it with style
It's
Johnny Tick-Tock the boy made out of clocks
He's a pre-teen
timepiece from his head down to his socks
And
when the evil Baron is in reach
Old Johnny is on hand with
industrial bleach (Yeah!)
